it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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