Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
