is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
