Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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