omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize