there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
