we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize