I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
