Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
