I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he thought i was a dude.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
