How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
