It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
