Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
