I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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