I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
