I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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