it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
