He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
