you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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