I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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