I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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