The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
