Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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