i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
