hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
