I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
