i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
