No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
