I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
