Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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