is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
