therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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