Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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