Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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