You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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