Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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