My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
