does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
