This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
