i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
