Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
ttyl tear gas
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
