someone threw a dead crab at me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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