you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
