I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
