I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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