We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
