I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
