i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
