I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
