chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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