he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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