You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
