Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
