Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
