I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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