WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
