Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
