My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
