hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
