Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
