also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
