I didn't shave. On purpose
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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