3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
