I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
