Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
