I accidentally had phone sex last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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